You know, the biggest problem with writing a blog is the reality of the blog itself.
The problem, dear readers is that a blog is a form of writing that by it’s own definition is published by way of the internet. It isn’t something you write in your diary or journal and hide away in your bedroom away from prying eyes. I’m sure there are still numerous writers out there who keep a journal/diary but I am not one of them. I used to keep a diary. A place where I wrote down all my extraneous thought bubbles that floated around in my daily activities like flotsam washing up on a beach. I don’t anymore though. Not because I don’t want to write, I do, but because a long time ago I was once married to a very paranoid person who thought that diaries were something that contained secrets he really needed to know about.
The first time it happened I was too shocked to realize that he would go behind my back, seek out my diary (which by the way, was not in plain view) and then read it looking for things to pick fights with me about. As a result I didn’t know how to react or respond to such behavior. I was however, less than happy about this new and rather unpleasant development, but he assured me it wouldn’t happen again. But of course, it did. The second time it happened he changed his tactics and rather than accuse me of some imagined betrayal outright, (such as quoting what I’d written), he came at it in a very roundabout way that took me a while to realize where he’d got these wild ideas.
After that, even keeping a dream journal became an exercise in anxiety. If I write that, then what will he say? What will he accuse me of this time? Anyone reading this will wonder why I put up with it, but that’s a WHOLE other story. My point is that as a result of this very intimate betrayal of trust (something I couldn’t see or articulate at the time), my solution was to just stop writing things down. It wasn’t until after he’d gone that I realized that although I no longer kept a journal, I had somewhat maintained a dream diary. Yet another effect of ‘what came before’ I had begun recording my dreams in a sort of made up code. When I revisited the dreams I had recorded while still married to this person, I was shocked by how many months or years would pass before recording a new dream. Years not associated with him were chock full of interesting, baffling and symbolic dream imagery so seeing this from a new (now divorced) perspective showed me just how much an impact this betrayal had on my writing habits.
So my point (and I do have one). It’s like this, since my main reason for writing anything is so that ‘someday’ I will be published by an honest-to-goodness real-life publisher I thought that writing a blog would help cure me of my ongoing reluctance to write things down. I mean really, if I put something on a blog the whole point is to publish it for people to read. The only glitch I’ve discovered with this plan is that because it’s a blog and because blogs are online, I find so many numerous other things to do online that by the time I actually get around to writing a blog post, I’ve either a) forgotten what I wanted to write about; b) become so obsessed by the appearance of the blog page that I spend my time editing it; or c) spend too much time visiting other sites that several hours go by and I no longer have any desire to write anything down. (Never mind log into my blog page and actually “write” anything worth reading.)
So this blog entry is now a testament to how determined my inner muse was today to write and subsequently publish “something” TODAY.