Dating, Sex, Love

I wasn’t trying to find love online nor was I planning to start dating after a long absence from the dating scene. I came to have a profile by doing a favor for someone whereby I couldn’t compare his profile to others without having a profile of my own. So long story short I created a profile and that as they say was that. I had every intention of deleting it soon after I posted one but before I could, I started getting emails from guys who wanted to meet me.

My first response to this unexpected development was um, why? It’s not that I think I’m not date-worthy or anything, but I haven’t had any attention from men in such a long time that I’d forgotten what it was like. I also hadn’t put much effort into my profile, yet given the attention I was receiving I was obviously wrong.

After creating a new profile on a new site, I realized that I had some serious misgivings about a lot of things. Such as, my appearance, my self-talk, my lifestyle and how felt about my life at present. So I began making changes while I continued flirting my way through what I still perceive as a rather muddy minefield of not knowing how to proceed. What surprised me the most about this adventure is just how much I’ve learned about myself and what I want out of life. I can now comfortably accept compliments by men without laughing out loud. I am no longer blind-sided or left speechless by the more suggestive and/or direct messages I sometimes receive and have realized that sometimes the best reply I can give is that of silence when I have absolutely zero interest in the sender.

I am now in my 40’s and I find it oh so flattering when I receive compliments and suggestive messages from men in their 20’s. Although complimentary, there is such a thing as just too damn young. For a short time I entertained the “younger man” fantasy but it didn’t last long. I mean seriously? These “men” are barely out of college, whereas I’ve lived through more major life changes than most for someone my age and there is no way I would ever be able to take anything they said or did seriously without visibly rolling my eyes while smiling knowingly and biting my tongue – hard… lol. Which obviously would not go over well, so why go there?

If I were to give advice I would say that online dating isn’t for everyone. Bring a very well-developed sense of humour and an open mind. If someone suggests “exchanging photos” with you, just say no. Unless of course you want your inbox flooded with some VERY adult images, make sure you know what they want to send before agreeing to this, and DON’T use your main email address…make one just for dating that if necessary can be deleted later. If someone has no profile photo or no details in their profile, ask them why that is. Most men who are married, separated, in a relationship or otherwise “not single” won’t include a profile image for the simple reason that they don’t want to get caught. Also if someone has to ask you “what are you looking for on this site?” all they really want to know is whether or not you’re available for sex and they didn’t read your profile.

Last but not least, I no longer expect anything from any of the men I communicate with online. Regardless of their initial interest, regardless of how many times they message you or compliment you or otherwise behave as though they REALLY want to meet you – don’t hold your breath. I’ve had all these things happen and more with the result being that I’ve met a total of 2 men in 4 months, and have never seen or heard from either again.

Online dating is not a quick way to meet people. It is not a great way to meet people, nor is it filled with people who are seeking a relationship on the same level you are. It is just as hard and just as frustrating as any other way you might possibly stumble upon meeting that special someone. Just like building a relationship, online dating takes time and effort so keep that in mind if you ever decide to dip your toes into the deep end of online dating.

Advertisements