I see a lot of posts on social media sites sending the Happy Valentine‘s love message to their friends, family and significant others. For most of us who aren’t currently in a relationship, we don’t like seeing these posts. We wish we had someone to buy a gift for or go out for dinner with or stay in eating by candlelight while indulging in some much-deserved romance with our significant other. Unfortunately we can’t do these things since we’re still single, possibly still dating and have not yet been lucky enough to find our
I realize not everyone shares this viewpoint. There are many who are perfectly happy and content with being single and love the single life and have no regrets regarding the path their lives have taken. To them I say “good for you!” It is good to know that there are people out there who don’t dream of romantic getaways for two or sharing dinners or movies with their best friend/partner or sleeping late on Sundays with someone they love. But I am not one of those people.
For as long as I can remember I have always wanted a best friend to share my life with. To hold hands with, to dance with, to share a romantic dinner with to escape for a weekend getaway with. Alas, that was not to be. I married at a very young age (by today’s standards), and for all the wrong reasons and have now been divorced for 11 years. For most of those years I was perfectly content being single. Sure I didn’t like when Valentine’s Day came along and I found myself (yet again), still single and feeling envious of those who no longer had to keep looking for their “someone,” but it would pass quickly and another year would go by.
But then something changed. I filled out an online dating profile recently and I started getting attention. Male attention. And it was good and it was fun and I started imagining what it would be like to go out on Friday nights with a date. Or spend a Saturday with someone who was attracted to me. Or even just have someone of the opposite sex to talk to.
Sounds good right? Well yes and no. I have successfully shed my indifference to dating and the possibility of finding someone to share my life with. But the reality of that is not as simple as just waking up to the possibilities. I may have removed my indifference, but the actual “finding” part will take time. They say that whatever you are looking for will show up when you least expect it and I believe that to be true. The more aware I am of the fact that I am “alone” and the more attention I give it, the more likely I am to not find anyone for the simple fact that I keep focusing on what isn’t here.
So what’s a single guy or girl to do? Stop looking? Well no, that obviously won’t work either but as they say, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. The best thing you can do and what I am going to be doing, is to work on improving my perception of myself, creating a life that has room for someone else, keeping a flexible schedule that allows for the unexpected and making room in my thoughts and my life for someone else to fit into, all while doing things I enjoy doing that make me happy and fulfilled and desirable to others.
In essence I will become a magnet for what I am looking for. Are you a magnet?