Indecision and Confusion

I really want to know where indecision, confusion and the inability to make a choice comes from. These aren’t choices that are huge or life-changing or even have any effect on the big scheme of things.

I have been having serious difficulties with making decisions on every day, little things, such as what to name a new Blog site, not the blog itself – that seems relatively simplistic to me – but the name of an alternate Blog is filling me with the kinds of symptoms only a writer faces when staring at a blank page.

I have no trouble writing things down, as can be seen by this newest blog – but things like whether or not to buy that sweater that’s on sale that I suspect I may never wear again or buy new winter boots vs. getting my old boots repaired, or moving forward with starting ‘some’ kind of writing career and taking the next step. These are the things that leave me paralyzed with indecision and make me run away from the laptop, press the ‘shut down’ button and read a book. Or send me sighing with frustration to Facebook where I spend a good hour or more playing silly games like Bubble Witch or Gardens of Time.

Why do I get so hung up on these kinds of decisions? It isn’t as though it will alter my world by any dramatic means, nor will it seriously impact anyone’s life in any way, shape or form. I truly don’t understand where this lack of decision-making ability is coming from. It isn’t as though I’ve never had to make hard decisions before.

If I were a gambler I suppose I could put down a hefty bet that some of my decision-making reluctance stems from having to make those big decisions in the past which had to be done, but were not in any way enjoyable. I’ve had to file for divorce, call the police on numerous occasions…and trust me, that is not an easy decision to make, file for bankruptcy, quit jobs, call on many different social programs for assistance in some form or another and even give an interview in a closed room at the local police station – yeah, I’m not what I seem on the outside. 😉

But even with all of that aside, it still doesn’t leave me with any kind of understanding or solution as to how to solve the indecision dilemna.

I believe that I’ve just reached the end of my current thought bubble and sad to say, I don’t believe I am any closer to a Blog title than I was before, but I might be a bit closer to an understanding of how I got here – which in a roundabout way may lead me to the path of clarity.


A New Blog Site

gaz4I’m having some difficulties at the moment. I would really like to create a new blog using a different hosting site, but picking the format and theme is so very time consuming that I don’t know where to start.

I considered importing what I’ve written here to begin my ‘other’ blog site with content, but being me I also feel that a new name for my blog would be in order. I don’t know where to start with either a new name for a new blog nor what kind of title would adequately describe what I want to write about.
I have so many interesting things I really want to share with others yet have no idea where to start. My interests are so varied and numerous that sometimes I wonder how I manage to remember every day what my current passion has become.

Then there are all my numerous ‘life experiences’ and that’s saying a lot considering that I’ve had more than my share of experiences involving major transitions and events over a very short period of time for someone who hasn’t yet seen the big 5-0.

So where do you start? In writing guides I’ve perused over the years they always say something like ‘start wherever you are.’ But in my particular case, where I am isn’t as interesting as where I’ve been and I find that I prefer writing about what I’ve already lived through, since that shows that since I’m still here, anything can be survivable.

The Writer’s Life

CaponeIt’s a strange and unusual thing to willingly label yourself as a writer at times. What do writer’s DO exactly? Well aside from the obvious, which for those not “in the know” is to put words on paper. But anyone can put words on a paper and call it writing…since technically that’s what it is.

But what about those who write because they have all these “words” floating around in their brain like recycled air creating a fog of thought bubbles that without the release of sending those words and thoughts out into the world by writing them down creates headaches and depression and cloudy thinking?

I’m one of ‘those’ kinds of writers. But I haven’t been sending my words out into the world or even writing them down on paper or even talking about them to much of anyone. I’m not sure why. I’m not even sure why I’m writing now. Perhaps the words just have to get out? Not really sure but here I am.
And now I’m distracted by a rather very good episode of Supernatural. Not certain I’ll be able to finish this now, although since I’m not sure where I was going with this particular post I guess that’s not such a bad thing.

But here’s something I’d like to leave you to ponder in your own sweet time and way…. do you ever happen upon an old piece of writing and read it as though it were written by someone else and then when you finish you realize, that “I wrote that”?

I do that a lot actually. I’ll come across something I wrote or designed years before and when I finish I am almost always struck by how powerful my own writing really is. I end up connected and immersing myself in the words and the story being told so fully that I forget that I was the writer of this fascinating insight or story and not someone else. I find this a very interesting thing. It makes me wonder why I don’t write more often or write more lengthy pieces or even set myself a better task such as a book or novel or even a non-fiction piece on some topic that grips my passions or fires me up or gets my thoughts churning so much that I just have to put words to paper… or in this case letters on a blog and create something where before there was nothing.